As a mom I have a lot of jobs. I'm a cook, house keeper, nurse, diagnostician, referee, counselor, Easter Bunny, Santa, chauffeur, the list just goes on and on. I will say that I am better at some of these than others. I'm an ok house keeper, I can cook but I don't really enjoy it, I am an excellent care taker. When my people get sick I am on it. You know what my least favorite mom job is? The one that if I had a boss I'd be constantly getting written up for? The one that I've had to finagle, sneak and out right lie my way through? The freaking Tooth Fairy.
Teeth are a weird but surprisingly large part of life as a mom. When you have babies they have to grow their teeth in. You spend around 2 years with off and on teething babies. The. Worst. Crying, sleeplessness, excessive drool, runny noses and just all around sadness. Then once they have the teeth you have to take care of the teeth. The brushing every single day. I've literally had to sit on my children at various times in their lives to get their teeth brushed. Then flossing adds a whole new element. If the gums bleed at all it's death. My oldest is a fainter and the sight of blood just sends her right over the edge so she is both a diligent and fearful flosser.
I have two words for you, the dentist. Trying to get my youngest child's teeth x-rayed is like a hostage negotiation situation. The techs at the dentist are so sweet and take her in to the x-ray area and I'm like you guys it's not gonna be good. They believe me now. My kids have inherited my horrible teeth so thanks to genetics we have had all kinds of fun in the dentist chair. Cavities, sealants, root canals, expanders and retainers. And while none of these things are fun I can handle them. We have a well supplied stock of tooth brushes, floss and floride rinse. I made it out alive through all of their teeth growing in, now however all of those teeth we painstakingly grew in are starting fall out.
Also I have a confession to make. I'm one of those people. You know, the people who like to peel sunburns, pop zits and pick scabs. I'm sorry I know it's gross but it really is just a little bit satisfying. Pulling out teeth falls right in there. You know when the tooth is so loose you can just see it hanging on? Oh my gosh that drives me crazy. I want to pull it out! Just let me pull it out! My oldest has let me pull almost all of her teeth. It's an element of trust I think, she just wants to me take care of it. Then after it's been pulled out we put it in a cup on their nightstand. The Tooth Fairy doesn't want to go digging around under people's pillows in the dark. With my first one I was so excited to be the Tooth Fairy. It was new and fun. Unfortunately as time has gone on our Tooth Fairy has gotten a touch lazy.
Our Tooth Fairy is so bad the kids have actually asked for a new one. One time after the Tooth Fairy forgot to take my sons tooth 3 nights in a row he wrote her a note asking her if she was ok. Then he came to me and said hey Mom I think there is something wrong with our Tooth Fairy, we may need a new one. I totally agree, lets just get a new one. I've even tried to talk my husband in to taking over, but he's no dummy. He's not taking that one on. I've set timers, put it in my calendar and some how still forget to make the tooth to money exchange. What is wrong with me? I have no idea. I really just want to let the cat out of the bag. Guys the Tooth Fairy is a total crock. It's been me the whole time, here's some cash. But then I have the mom guilt because my youngest is just now starting to lose her teeth (which is a whole other story. Every time that girl loses a tooth any one listening would think she's being murdered).
About 2 years ago my oldest child came to me and asked if Santa was real or if it was just me and her dad buying her gifts. I couldn't lie straight to her face. So I said "Are you asking me if there is an older gentleman who lives in the North Pole and drives a sleigh of flying reindeer around the world delivering free gifts?" She said yes that's what I'm asking so I came clean and said no there is not. We talked about the meaning of Christmas and having the spirit of giving. So then she says what about the Easter Bunny? I came back with "Are you asking me if there is a giant bunny that hides plastic eggs and leaves baskets full of candy?" She really wanted to know so I told her the truth about that one too. Finally she looked in to my face and said "Well, at least the Tooth Fairy is real."
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